30 March marks World Bipolar Day every year. The day is a chance to bring awareness to bipolar conditions and to break the stigma that still exists today, especially as bipolar conditions are often misunderstood and portrayed in a negative light.
According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), bipolar disorder is a mental health condition that affects a person’s mood, energy, activity and thought and is characterised by manic (or hypomanic) and depressive episodes.
This #WorldBipolarDay, we ask that you listen to the stories of persons living with bipolar disorder to understand their experiences and help break the stigma still associated with the condition.
We are thankful to Natasha Bester, an LLB student and mental health advocate for sharing her story with us.
Natasha was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the end of 2024 after her psychiatrist suggested she book herself into a clinic for observation. Natasha says:
During this time, I completed a series of battery-tests. I booked into the clinic again at the end of 2024, by recommendation of my psychiatrist due to symptoms that did not fit into the bi-polar profile. I was re-tested on certain battery-tests in addition to an interview relating to my key interests, which indicated that I might be a candidate that falls within the bounds of the Autism Spectrum. However, I am still being treated for bi-polar disorder.”
Natasha was not surprised by her diagnosis, as there is a history of bipolar disorder in her family. Instead, Natasha felt relieved as she now understood why she had faced some difficulties with her academic endeavours. She also felt empowered to take a course of action to move forward.
Staying mentally well is important when it comes to living with any mental health condition. Natasha ensures she stays mentally well by taking her medication, sticking to a daily routine, taking time out for herself, spending time with her family, keeping her dogs happy, attending regular therapy and participating in humanitarian activities.
Feeling confident about the management of her bipolar disorder, Natasha is also incredibly thankful to her family saying:
The biggest blessing is that I have a support system within my family, where we can openly discuss our struggles and experiences.”
Living with bipolar disorder looks different for everyone. Describing what it’s like to live with her condition, Natasha explains:
For me it is like a catch 22. The medication assists me in mood regulation that keeps my cognitive functioning more in touch with reality. However, at times, it makes my life feel boring and mundane, and I miss the mania. Mania for me has two poles:1) Severe anger and aggression vs 2) thoughts of grandeur, tied up in philosophy, exploring the meaning of life that makes me feel connected to a higher power. The disconnect I have to my philosophical belief system makes me feel that a big part of my being is missing. Rationally I know that it is not true, but emotionally I am yet to learn how to realign myself to become whole again.”
Natasha, eloquently describes the polarity she can experience in any given week, sharing the reflections below:
“TUESDAY… I was reading The Bill of Rights. I was sitting down with my hands in fists on the table. I became aware of the sensation of my hands. It feels like feeling the weight of your hands within a moment of space and time. As a result, I moved my hands to hold my head cradled. I still experience the same sensational and mental fixation.
I try and draw my attention back to reading. I read: “Cultural, Religious and Linguistic communities”. It became a fleeting thought…
My mind shifted away from the text that I read and start thinking of an assignment I did on Desmond Tutu. I start reading the subsection of the text in the character of Desmond Tutu. In my mind, I can see it visually, I can hear his voice but I don’t hear mine.
I become aware of the perversion of my perceived reality and become distracted, just like you got distracted because it all started with sensing my hands in time and space.
So let me try to concentrate again. Nope. Now I am just reading every word in its own context and not in the context of the sentence structure. Let me close the book, I have absolutely no idea what I am doing (giggling about the situation)”.
WEDNESDAY… It is my first sit-down in front of my books. I pick-up where I left off with Desmond Tutu. Today, my environment is torturing my mind. I am extremely sound sensitive and any particular sound at any given time can cause a distraction. This morning, it was my uncle, reading and reporting on the news that he read. At times, I can block it out but today was not that day.
I suddenly become angry, frustrated and annoyed. At this stage, I have to focus all my emotional energy to suppress my anger. I have to give into the environmental factors to remain in control. I tell myself, be patient. I have to be, I know the end result if I don’t manage my anger. A psychotic break. This state of mania is the not so nice part of bipolar disorder. You enter into a mental state where it feels that someone else is in control of your behaviour. It feels like another person looking through your eyes… Screaming, shouting, hitting – I become the abuser, left with guilt and shame with myself to blame and not my disorder. I cannot lose control. Once anger breaks my chain of concentration I start to procrastinate. I fester on feeling sorry for myself. I feel paralysed and hopeless. All I can do now is to open my book again tomorrow, but for now I am sad, with anger held in my chest. The fear of failure is associated with feeling out of control in a situation.”
When it comes to stigma and other people’s perceptions about mental health conditions, Natasha says that she wishes that people understood that :
…one mind is not all minds. I wish that within the realm of higher education that there could be a collective shift, to acknowledge that each condition has its strengths and weaknesses. Being bi-polar, I excel in problem solving assignments in contrast to memorising vast amounts of literature, which is, according to my psychometric testing, part of my disability. The education system takes a ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach. I wish that this could change. I wish universities could allow each student to further develop these inherent qualities so that students can learn how to use their strengths in succeeding in the workforce, as opposed to attempting to develop cognitive abilities they just do not have.”
Her message for people who might be ashamed to speak openly about their mental health is:
So what, we are different. It’s our biological design. Never let a label define who you are. Never let fear stand in the way of your success and happiness. Everyone needs help in some form or way throughout their life”.
Living with bipolar disorder is a journey and everyone has their own unique experience. For Natasha, it’s been a journey of many ups and downs, however she also feels that she has learnt valuable lessons along the way.
With all the ups and downs. The mundane and the mania. I still feel there is beauty in the journey. Every obstacle I see as a lesson in life and once that lesson has come into full circle, it becomes a blessing. It brings you a little bit closer each time you discover yourself”.
To learn more about Bipolar conditions, make sure to read our Explainer Series blog.
If you suspect that you or someone you know may be experiencing bipolar episodes, always seek the help of a mental health professional. If you are interested in connecting with a mental health organisation in your province, feel free to reach out to the SA Federation for Mental Health via our enquiries Help Desk.
You should also check out SADAG’s Bipolar Disorder Support Groups that provide a safe, supportive, and understanding environment.
For those who are looking for more guidance, you can head to our website and check out our Information Library.
